A Wake Up Call

Have you ever thought to yourself… “Hmm, am I in love ? Or, am I in love with the idea of being in love ? “I certainly have ! Sometimes , I still do. How can I know for certain ? Will there be special theme music to cue the exact moment ? Will I feel butterflies in my stomach ? Will it be like anything I’ve seen in movies ? Hell no! Love can sometimes be the most hectic, emotionally draining, dramatic, and even the most wonderful game of tug o’ war you’ll ever play. Sure, I said it… game. We’ve all said it before. “I don’t play games.” Sure you don’t. When we develop a systematic approach to relationships, that’s exactly what we’re doing. Playing a game so ancient, we’ve managed to fool ourselves into viewing it as an art form.

Let’s face it. Love is all about knowing and understanding what works best for you. In order to know what works for you, it’s important that you actually know yourself. Not the person you and your parents molded yourself into over time, but the real you. Spend time really getting to know yourself. Know your own likes and dislikes. Be honest with yourself ! Know that in the 21st century there are certain core traits, morals, values, priorities, and yes…finances that must be in tact before moving forward in loving first yourself. Of course, I’ll admit. I probably wouldn’t love myself quite as much if I hadn’t accomplished many of the things I always aspired to….and seriously, who else REALLY wants to be with an uneducated, broke, codependent person who doesn’t believe in anything ? In some way, we’ve probably all been there and done that. Therefore, I’ve always had a personal belief of taking time to get to know one’s self. Making certain that the preliminary priorities you’ve placed in life are given a chance to blossom into solid efforts. This can give a person confidence as well as much needed life experience that will be needed prior to moving forward and loving someone else. Besides yourself.

After giving yourself the opportunity to fall in love with yourself , either for the first time or all over again – and gaining the confidence needed to move forward in an intelligent way. There are more questions to ask yourself and honestly answer. Is a relationship something I really desire ? Will mine be just like all the rest I’ve seen throughout life ? Will ensure true happiness ? Only you know the answer to those questions. Relationships and love isn’t the best idea for everyone. It’s true that some people just aren’t relationship “material” as it’s been said by many. If it isn’t your thing, be honest with yourself and the person who you may or may not be pursuing. Who knows ? They could just as easily feel the same way. If you’ve chosen to move forward in love, be honest about your desires and expectations for the relationship. Yes, there have been some pretty odd “arrangements” to surface throughout time, but I’ve also seen some of these arrangements last a lifetime. It’s all about knowing what works best for you and your partner in your situation. No one has a foolproof rule book on exactly how love and relationships should go. One size doesn’t fit all. Then there’s the happiness question. Yes, you can be happy. All it takes is honesty. Period. Being vocal about what makes you happy (in every aspect) as well as not so happy. Listening when your parter is vocal about these things is imperative as well.

For the most part, I don’t think I’ve said anything we all haven’t heard before. My personal thought however, especially during such crazy times in the world…is be true to yourself. Make sure you’re happy in the end. None of us live forever. Who would want to spend their life trapped in some unfulfilling relationship, feeling tortured all because you didn’t speak up about what you wanted. What you expect. Or what might happen if you didn’t get what you expect out of the situation. I’ll speak for myself and say….sure, I’ve ended a relationship because it didn’t turn out as I expected. Or even worse, everything seemed to change drastically over time. If the other party were up front and honest about certain things in the beginning… perhaps I would have been aware of the changes ahead. So what ? I like to know what I’m getting myself into. Always. Wouldn’t you ? Sure. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love will kick your ass too if you don’t pay close attention. So, love yourself. Be happy. Love hard. Live to love. Love life. Make it last. Because who knows when your last love affair could be…

by J. Keri Ward